Welcome to the weekend! We have had an unusually wet spring, after what was, in my opinion, a brutal winter, so when I was awakened by sunshine in my eyes this morning, it was a glorious feeling! It is raining again now, but I am not going to let that take anything away from the time I got to spend outside today, working in the garden and just hanging out with my doggo. She loves the sun as much as I do!
I am going to piggyback off of yesterday’s post a bit. Today, I would like to talk about healthy boundaries. I took me a really long time to understand the need for them, and to establish them in my own life. It’s something that I am still working on; the closer the person or people are to me, the more difficult it is for me to diligently do, but I am a work in progress, so this too, shall come in time.
I am intuitive, a sensitive, a person who just wants to please and for everyone to be happy. If there is a problem, no worries, I’ve got it, but what I really probably have is undiagnosed OCD…lol. It started when I was a little kid. I grew up surrounded by family, and I can remember as a little kid being afraid to spend the night literally next door at my grandparent’s house, because what would happen at home if there was a fire and I wasn’t there? Seriously, this is not something a six-year-old should be worried about! And the parents of said six-year-old should have perhaps tried to help the kid work through that fear, instead of thinking it was “cute”…lol…but the parents did not, so I have spent the last several years trying to let go of my control issues and to stop being a doormat for others to tread on.
It has negatively affected me professionally. Prior to my marriage and the start of the business, I worked an office job. I was the one that worked a minimum of 60 hours per week, at times starting my workday before I left my house, and ending it when I should have been in bed asleep, because they “needed” me. I worked the morning of my wedding, and the afternoon the day after. For years, I worked on every major holiday, many weekends, my scheduled days off, and if, for some reason I could not work when I was “needed”, I was reprimanded by my bosses.
I allowed that to happen. I didn’t realize it then, but once I began giving, they started taking, and just continued to take, until I had finally had enough and quit the job. A salaried position does not mean that you are enslaved to the company, though I suspect that many people are treated that way, because they – like me – allow it.
It has negatively affected me personally too, and still does to some extent, if I am being honest. I was able to establish boundaries with my family several years ago. I got tired of being the day trip for them; a place to bring the kids and their friends who had never been to this state before, or the aunt who liked to fish and I had a pond, or whatever excuse they had to come, none of which were actually just to spend time with my husband and me. There weren’t regular calls just to say, “hey, how have you been”, unless I made them.
It’s a bit harder for me at home, but I am working on it. I have had to learn that I am not responsible for my husband’s happiness, which kills me, because as I have said, I don’t just have to live with him and his emotions, I feel them myself, so when he is in a bad mood, it’s a one-two punch for me.
I have also had to accept that my life is not a fairytale. I do not live in the land of rainbows and unicorn farts that my parents raised me in (in their minds, they still live there, by the way…lol), I live in the real world; a world where my decisions have consequences, and I have to live with them.
I chose this life. I chose this man. Neither is perfect, but they are mine. What I have learned through my Spiritual development though, is that I am safe, I am protected, and I am loved, no matter what, by God. In His eyes, I am enough, just as I am, so I can stop working to make everyone else’s life perfect, and just be me. Every day I do my best to make this world a better place, but it isn’t my job alone to do that, so I have to stop being so critical of my mistakes, learn from them, and then move on. Wallowing in my failures does not serve me, so I am learning to give myself grace, and focus on the positive things in my life, not the negative.
I am truly blessed with SO many things, so many successes, and you are too, but it’s sometimes hard to see them when you are wrapped up in the failures, or the things that we think we need but do not have. Remember what the Bible says in Mathew 25:29, “For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.” (BSB). Let’s not let our pride get in the way of our gratitude, and deprive ourselves the of the abundance that God has in store for us!
Much love to all if you, with Hope and Faith!